Be scared Kobe…be scared.
This guy is totally frigging awesome.
Mel Brooks is a Star
Wait, no. Mel Brooks gets a star. This guy is totally awesome. I love Mel Brooks…and you should too. If you don’t, you’re un-American. Mel Brooks is totally awesome in every way possible and has brought us movies like “Young Frankenstein”, “The Producers” and “Blazing Saddles”.
Finally Hollywood has recognized his timeless awesomeness with an official Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He received the 2,406th star on Friday in a ceremony held in front of the Egyptian Theatre. The guy is 83 and its about damn time he got a star! I personally plan on making a pilgrimage to Hollywood to pay my respects…someday.
Online Dating…How Desperate Are You?
I understand that in a world driven by technology people have turned to computers for most of their basic needs: shopping, dinner reservations, email, travel arrangements, banking, porn, and the list goes on and on and on. But, dating should never make that list. Even the most desperate sad human being on Earth should not turn to the “google box” to find love.
Sure, there is an argument to be made for random hookups on Craigslist but I won’t condone it. Not under my watch. If you are horny do the American thing and walk your ass into a bar, get completely shit faced and hit on a fat chick. If I ever catch any of you trolling eHarmony at 3am hoping to hit the jackpot of love I will break your typing fingers.
And, for reassurance here are some photos that can be found on online dating sites.
Shame on You Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan is the female version of Kiefer Sutherland…except Kiefer actually has talent. So maybe that was a bad comparison. Lindsay Lohan is like a super nova of retardation fueled by cocaine and vodka that people long ago looked at in awe from a distance but as the nova got closer they simply decided to stop caring.
Aww, poor Lindsay. If I were your Dad I would have given you up for adoption years ago (or simply disowned you). I mean, the only reason you’re Dad ever stuck around was because he could make money off you (sorta like a pimp and his prostitute). Now you aren’t even employable. He should realize a bad investment and cut his losses.
In recent news, Miss Lohan was fired from a movie called The Other Side. She was supposed to play a grad student working on a deserted island. What kind of plot is that? According to sources, the film’s financial backers had serious reservations about the drug riddled actress and when she joined the project all of the notable talent dropped out including: Woody Harrelson, Giovani Ribisi, Dave Matthews, Alanis Morissette and even Brittany Murphy (apparently Murphy would rather die than be attached to a Lohan project…too soon?).
Yes, even fucking Woody Harrelson won’t work with Lindsay.
“Our team simply chose to move on from Lindsay and we’ll soon be announcing a replacement,” said writer/director David Michaels.
Here is your wake up call Lindsay…YOU SUCK.
Remember when she was cute? 
Pregnancy Makes You Fat
I had this friend in New York who had really let herself go. We were on the subway one afternoon and an older woman got up from her seat and asked my friend to please sit down. She then proceeded to ask the following question “so when are you due?”. My friend was mortified! Her beer gut had gotten completely out of control and she immediately stopped eating for a month.
What a reality check huh?
So now Jillian Michaels, famous trainer from The Biggest Loser and super hot chick, is getting all sorts of shit for making comments about pregnancy and why she doesn’t ever want to be. The ulta-fit Michaels says she wants to adopt a child and save her body from the physical abuse.
“I’m going to adopt. I can’t handle doing that to my body,” Michaels told Womens Health magazine. “Also, when you rescue something, it’s like rescuing a part of yourself.”
Dude…right on! I see no harm in that belief of approach to Motherhood. She is actually doing something healthy for herself and the world! Screw the critics Jillian…I’m with you. And if you ever need someone to help you “burn calories”, I’m here for ya.
Boner Ballet
Ballet chicks are hot. Ballet dudes are not. Why on earth would a grown man prance around on his tip toes wearing skin tight spandex? This has always baffled me.
However, it takes on a whole new expression when the dudes are sporting rock hard boners! Thanks Diesel.
Kiefer Sutherland is AWESOME
In the past I admit to being obsessed with Charlie Sheen. Not for his acting prowess, but for the sheer amount of dumbassery he gets himself into off the screen. But I digress…
A new man is hot on Charlie’s heels, Kiefer Sutherland. 24 might be over but that won’t stop Kiefer from relapsing into a raging fucking alcoholic and getting the public’s attention! Christ, who would dare to stop agent Jack Bauer on a bender?
Um, how bout the 4 bouncers that tossed his drunk ass out of a London strip club yesterday at 4am! That’s right, Jack Bauer has been beating into submission and was apparently topless at the time. This is even better than last May when he headbutted a fashion designer and went to jail. He blames the booze of course:
“It’s been the biggest problem for me,” Sutherland told Rolling Stone the year before. “I have a few drinks and I’m not so worried about tomorrow and not thinking about yesterday. I am in this moment and I don’t give a [bleep] about anything else, and that’s that. It’s right out of the textbook on problem drinkers.”
Slender Red Headed Woman
I am completely obsessed with this show…and you should be too. Archer is my hero and I hope to one day be just like him! Seriously, I’m not joking, I mean it.
Another Lazy Sunday
The weekend is here again and you’re probably a six-pack deep by now (I know I am). But don’t go all ape-shit crazy on Saturday and waste another lazy Sunday. Sometimes you gotta grab that Sunday by the balls and make the most of it!
Here is a classic reminder from Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell.
Star Wars Trivia
So…did you know that before James Earl Jones laid down the vocals for one of the greatest villains of all time (Darth Vader) they actually shot the movie with the man-in-the-suit speaking Vader’s lines? Ya, me neither!
The actor inside that getup was David Prowse. How did it sound before the voiceover?
Checkit:
